Breeding Hearts

  It was a Saturday afternoon, and the sky was overcast with an ashen gray. I had received a call from Cari around 11, at about the time I had woken up from a restless night's sleep… "What would everyone think of us? What will her parents do once they find out? What will my parents do? Oh God, why is this happening…" I had dreamed these guilty thoughts night and night again ever since Cari told me we were expecting… "It was one time, and we took every precaution we could think of! Why the Hell did this have to happen? We didn't deserve this!"

I was so worried about the consequences of our one night of passion, that I failed to remember to so much as wonder if Cari was ok. She had to have been terrified…I couldn't blame her, knowing her parents and how over protective and conservative they were…

I could hardly remember even leaving my house to get in my car as I drove away. My thoughts were completely out of control…racing and chaotic…I'm surprised I was stable enough to drive. When she called me, she told me nothing but "We need to talk. Now." In a stern yet solemn voice. In my head, the thoughts were screaming at me. Telling me that she had told her parents and that I was going to meet their livid faces as soon as I walked through her front door.

She only lived a few miles away, around nine as I recall…On the way there, it began to rain, slowing every car on the road down. My anxiety rose to near insanity at every stop. I was borderline hysterical in my panic…On the way to her house, I noticed to rabbits chasing one another in someone's yard near the road…they seemed so happy in their playful naivety and for a moment I envied them…

Finally the traffic began to move at a constant rate once more, and I was able to make it to Cari's neighborhood within the hour that I had left my home. As soon as I pulled up to her house, I noticed that her father's car was missing, indicating what I had hoped to have meant that they were gone. Suddenly the rain came to halt as I exited my car and walked up to the front door. My heart was beating fast and out of tempo it seemed, my hands were shaking almost uncontrollably and I was sweating profusely. With one, brief deep breath, I rang the doorbell and began to pray under my breath… "Please God…"

Before I could continue, the door flung open, and there she stood…the only girl I had ever loved, in her pajamas with faded, dried mascara running down her cheeks from her eyes… I found some words in the deep dark pit of fear that my mind was trapped in, "You've been crying?" I asked quietly… there was a pause…she looked at me, and let out a small, tearful chuckle as she began to simultaneously weep and smile. She quickly fell into my arms, crying, and mumbling incoherently…the first thought that came to me was of course, "oh shit, what's happened." Followed by, "Oh God she's lost it…" I took a moment and enjoyed the hug however, as it brought me some sense of calm…when I gain some clarity, I pushed her outward but not out of a gentle grasp. As I looked her in the eye, the sun came out and shined so bright that her tears illuminated her face. "What did you want to tell me babe?" She reached down and held my hands, and whispered, "You don't have to worry anymore." She smiled as silence ensued, and the clouds returned to their dominion. The silence was long, and solemn to say the least. The immediate revelation that she had aborted our unborn child was enough to replace my anxiety with shear hatred…I couldn't look at her…I was sick to my stomach, and I couldn't stay… without looking at her, I turned and said that I had to leave. I kept my head down as the rain returned with malice and forethought. I could hear Cari calling for me to come back as her voice quivered with convoluted sorrow. "Why the Hell would she do such an awful thing?" I thought. "Why didn't she talk to me first?" I went through the motions of starting my car and driving away, leaving Cari in the rain.
  
  My heart sank low on the drive home, and my thoughts were incoherently dying, as the guilt washed them away. The only since of relief that came to me was the one thought of telling myself that I was off the hook and that I had a second chance…but it was soon washed by the guilt of getting Cari pregnant while we were both in high school, and then so suddenly leaving her in the pouring rain after she inadvertently told me of her abortion … I was out of my mind but my subconscious continued a reign of blatant anarchy on my heart…suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something that peaked my interest. It was coming up as I drove alongside the road. Two small objects, with patches of red around their dark brownish gray exterior…as I came closer, I saw that they were the once frolicking rabbits that had been hit by a car…For a moment, my self-pity was given to the poor animals, as their lives were cut short unexpectedly, even though they had ignorantly ran into traffic…The rain poured heavily…washing away the blood and carcasses…